40 Years Later

This is the audio version of my Art & Artist - January 2, 2026 newsletter.

Read essays, inspiring quotes, plus recommendations for TV, film, and music on my Substack. 

pyfgo.substack.com

Transcript

hello there welcome to the art and artist podcast
my name is Kyle Ariel Knowles
and this is art and artist #1 for 2026
it's been a few months since I've done a podcast
and this is a solo effort
maybe not always I don't know
I'm still finding my way around
trying to find the rack here
let's see this is called aficionado
aficionado lead in reason
I just love it's very primal pad sound
40 years later
you can read this on my substack
P Y F G O
pyfgo P as in Paul
Y  F as in Frank G  O go pyfgo dot substack dot com
it's a picture of me and my dad on graduation day
in June of 1986
it's been 40 years
since the year I graduated from high school
four full decades
the crazy thing is
I'm now the same age my dad was in this picture
if I'm lucky I've got what?
two more decades left? three?
what no one knows is that I had a nervous breakdown
the week leading up to this picture
to this day I absolutely hate goodbyes
and high school graduation was a monumental goodbye
marking the end of an era
an era I shared with hundreds of kids
I'd known many of those kids since kindergarten
instead of celebrating graduation
I was torn into pieces
I remember a night scream
cry singing on the floor of my bedroom
in front of my guitar amp that was blasting
Boston's 
More Than a Feeling
here are the lyrics
I looked out this morning and the sun was gone
turned on some music to start my day
I lost myself in a familiar song
I closed my eyes and I slipped away
it's more than a feeling (more than a feeling)
when I hear that old song they used to play
(more than a feeling) till I see my Marianne walk away
I see my Marianne walking away
so many people have come and gone
their faces fade as the years go by
yet I still recall as I wander on
as clear as the sun in the summer sky
it's more than a feeling (more than a feeling)
when I hear that old song they used to play
(more than a feeling) till I see my Marianne walk away
"I see my Marianne walking away?"
Marianne represented not only my high school girlfriend
but my youth my friends
my identity
halfway through blasting the song for a third time
my mom came into my room tapped me on the shoulder
and sweetly asked "Should I call a doctor?"
"Or maybe the bishop?"
with tear filled eyes
I looked at her and shook my head no
she left respecting my wishes to grieve alone
I cried a lot that week but I survived
and made it to Weber State
to walk across the stage and receive my diploma
back in '86 I only had about 13 years of conscious
life to look back on my childhood
my adolescence
my coming of age and high school experience
I've added another 40 years to the rearview mirror
since then adulting adulthood
family and fatherhood my career
my induction into the 55+ club back in '86
my worldview was tiny confined to my small hometown
my worldview would soon go national well
Midwestern Wisconsin and Illinois
where I would spend two years as a Mormon missionary
since my mission my world view has expanded
I've walked on three more continents
I've made several trips to Europe
totaling over a year of my life
walking around that continent
eight years ago
I spent a few days in Australia on a business trip
two years ago
I made it to Africa via a vacation to Spain
and spent a couple of days in Morocco
I don't have any interest in visiting Antarctica
I would however
like to spend more extended time in Europe
plus visit South America and Asia
before I have another nervous breakdown
and say my final goodbyes
QUOTABLE: Soren Kierkegaard wrote
"Life can only be understood backwards
but it must be lived forwards"
GUILTY PLEASURE: I can't believe that the film Eden
was based on a true story
ON REPEAT
"Friend for Life" by X Ambassadors and medium build
now I would like to play a scratch track
I was working on
a song that's 25 years old that I haven't finished
I still need to finish the lyrics
add vocals and put it all together
but here's a little taste of it
we're so lucky to be here